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This is Mr. Customer. Doing a great business the big bad world of Silicon Valley biggies .
Mr. Customer has a daughter, called 'Project' - A complicated, hard to manage , ...but nevertheless, a prized 'catch'
Dont go on her face, she looks like Mac but operates like Windows.
And this is her Boyfriend 6.0 - IBM (Idiot Became Manager)
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Scene 2: Opening act in garden
IBM and Project are walking hand in hand
IBM :- Project darling, love you. But you have never told me about your past - why did you crash, I mean why divorce.
Project: - Hun, dont ask, its a long story
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
No mention of this phenomenon was included in the Husband brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Dinner Dancing 7.5, Vacations 2.0, and installs new, undesirable programs such as SaturdayFootball 5.0, and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.
Under no circumstances will it run Diaper Changing 4.0 or House Cleaning 2.5. I've tried running Nagging 5.0 to fix Husband 1.0, but it all failed.
How about your past hun?
IBM: Well I upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0 and it's a memory hogger, has taken all my space; and Wife1.0 must be running before I can do anything. Although I didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.
Some features I would have liked in her. - A "Don't remind me again" button - Minimize button - Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that she can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cash (cache) and other objects)
Thats why I had to uninstall her before installing you honey :)
Mr. Customer walks in and sees the two holding hands , gets angry, and calls his Project Manager
Customer - PM , kick this guy out
PM - Sir, but he is IBM
Customer - Yes I know
PM - How do you know sir?
Customer -Incompatible Boring Machine. I know him well. He refers to the tomatoes grown in his garden as deliverables. Daughter, come with me
Project - But dad, he has my license key, I love him
Customer - He is old, slow - PM get me some young fast and innovative grooms for my sweet daughter.
PM - Yes sir
IBM - Remember Mr. customer, the long term 'Support' and 'Services' I can offer to
your Project, you might not get elsewhere...
Customer - Get out...
Customer walks away with his daughter
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Scene 3: Mr. Customers living room. He is sitting alone when Project Manager walks in from door
PM : Sir , I have brought a groom , called Frugal from FountainView
Mr. Customer : Yes Mr. Frugal , can you handle my 'Project'..
Frugal: Infact sir, we can handle it very well...consider this
First, we will make her 'Open Source', Infact anybody can check her out for free, use and modify, and can check back in
Mr. Customer : What crap...
Frugal: Dont get angry sir... there are no free dinners you know, so she wont be free always, we will put her in Beta for two years and then commercialize her. Infact her location will be displayed on Frugal Maps, and we will place contextual advertisements regarding your other daughters too sir, ummm.. I mean Projects...
Mr. Customer: PM.. Kick this guy out...now
Frugal : Sir please, consider this, when some clicks 'I am Feeling Lucky' on Frugal page, we will offer her ...
Mr. Customer: Get out, else I will hit you so hard even Frugal wont be able to search...
PM kicks Frugal out
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Scene 4: Mr. Customers living room. He is sitting when Project Manager walks in
PM : Sir , I have brought a groom , called Bill Late from Microloot
Mr. Customer : Yes Mr. Bill Late, tell me show will you handle my sweet Project....
Bill Late: First thing we would do sir is Patent her, and then make money off her,
in fact we just patented 'Blue Screen of Death' sir,
Mr. Customer: Blue Screen of Death ?
Bill Late: Yes sir, it comes as a result of numerous focus groups and customer surveys. Thousands of Microloot customers were asked: "What do you spend the most time doing at your computer?"
A surprising number of respondents said: "Staring at a Blue Screen of Death". At 54%, it was the top answer, beating the second-place answer - "Hour glass with Booting up" .
"We immediately recognized this as a great opportunity for ourselves sir. Look here,I even announced it
Mr, Customer : God... PM , Please take Mr. Late out
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Scene 5: PM comes with Mr. Leave Jobs from Apple
Mr. Customer: Yes Mr. Leave Jobs...I have heard you spend more taking leaves than you are at office. How will you handle Project
Leave Jobs: Thats true... but since there is an app for everything, Project wont feel alone...,
Mr. Customer: hmmm
Leave Jobs: Anyways. your daughter Project will get something which nobody will have access for the next 6 years - iPhone 10.0. I have a copy with me.
Takes out an iPhone 10.0 -- Take a look at this beauty..
Mr. Customer tries to use the phone
Leave Jobs: I'm sorry sir, the iPhone is turned off.
Mr. customer: "Then why is it glowing?"
Leave Jobs: "That light is to confirm that the machine is turned off.
Mr. customer: Hmmm.... What can it do ?
Leave Jobs: Regarding what it can do, sample this
It can act as blow dryer and face powder kit for you Project (Project blushes )
An elcetric shaver for you..
Even Vegetable cutter
Mr. customer: How about making calls ?
Leave Jobs: Oh yeah that is the game changer...With each iPhone 10.0 you will get a free app called ICALL for making calls...
Project: Oh wow, can I make a call ?
Grabs the iPhone and tries to call
Project wears the gloves and call IBM : Hun, I am actually calling you from an iPhone, in future iPhone can make calls... yippy...
Mr. Customer gets angry, grabs the phone and tries to hang...
How do I hang up the damn call?
Leave Jobs: Oh... hold the LOAD button for a minute, and then download the iHANGUP app, which can hang up the call for you.
Mr. Customer: Thanks you Mr Leave. Now please take a leave.
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Scene 6: Mr. Customers living room. He is sitting when Project Manager walks in
PM: Sir, Next I will be bringing Mr. Dark Suckerberg from Trashbook
Mr. Customer : What is Trashbook PM?
PM: Well sir, the objective of Trashbook is to collect friends.. I like it because I dont have many friends in the real world. Infact I have organized my friends into categories sir:
Category One: People I physically see...
Very less, except for the grocery store lady and the bar girl.. and yeah my wife
too
Category Two: : People from past, like from colleges, not like 100 years ago..... though I had nothing common with them while I was in college, but it seems I do have something common with them now
...ummm Trashbook
Category Three: People I have never met....
Category Four: Good Looking females, which is my most favorite category, and I have further subdivided into other categories...
On occasions when i have nothing to do sir, which is almost always, I spend hours browsing at their pictures sir, and waiting for their status message to change from committed to Single ...
Oh just a moment (PM takes his phone out and logs in )
Mr. Customer: What are you doing
PM: Updating my status...'Talking to an old nerd' ha ha....oh sorry...What??? My wife is friends with wierdo Ashton Butcher...I need to go sir...Will come back in evening with Mr. Suckerberg
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Scene 7:
Mr. Customer : Yes Mr. Dark Suckerberg, letme know if I can hand my Project to Trashbook?
Dark Suckerberg: Absolutely. We have 500 million people, or 1/12th of the world sir, who have nothing else to do in life ....
And yeah, she can grow on to become a successful farmer growing tomatoes and potatoes on the Trashbook itself
Infact I sent a request to 'Project' to take the quiz, what animal she was in last life... Project why didnt you take it ?
Project : And why would I be interested in any information like that ? The only reason I am on Facebook is to track my old boyrfriends and ensure none of them are living more fulfilling life than me
And for all that Trashbook TRASH, please stop this abuse...please stop posting pictures of your dogs..get a life..
I dont want to be in your Mafia, I dont care that you wish you were still in bed..I dont care you cant wait for Friday...
Just then few people come and 'Poke' Project
And for Gods sake, I still dont understand what does this 'poking' mean.....go away....
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Scene 8:
Mr. Customer: PM , Please call IBM. I think that Idiot is best suited for my daughter
PM comes back with IBM. They start marriage ceremony - IBM whistles - and four more guys walk in
Mr. Customer: Who are they?
IBM - Well they are Golbal Services, Business Services, Hosting Services and Support sir. You are getting in a maariage with all of us
Mr. customer bangs his head
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Last scene: IBM and Project are happily married.
IBM: Sweets, just got a call from your dad, told him that I have outsourced you to Bangaluru....
Project: What?
IBM: Kidding...he said he has added you as a friend on Trashbook, and your grandma has poked you and is angry that you havent poked her back.
Also your grandpa is going away for two weeks.. He has asked you to water his plants, specifically potatoes on Trashbook.. and yeah please feed his cows
Project throws a pillow towards him...
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