Aamir Can !

PS:These blogs are for fun, and should be taken in the right spirit. No offense to any community or ethnicity intended.

Ahmedabad - Gujjendra Krodhi and his assistant Jignesh in Office after a day`s work.

Jignesss...phen (fan) chalao, egg-joss(exhaust) ho gaya. Aur ek peeja (pizza) order kar do.

Yes Sir....Sir , Aamir Khan`s Taare Zameen Par is India`s official entry for Oscars

Kaunsa phillam (film)? ..... Agar Narmada ka pani piya hai to...... bhen (ban) kardo Oscar ko ......jaise 'Fanaa' ko kiya tha......Amrika jaate hain .

Sir....sir...Narmada kaun?...Anyways they always reject your Visa. We have tried many times.

O haan...haan...accha tum log jaa ke aao....jung(young) ho...Kalpess aur Diness ko bhi le ke jaa....'Gujju Kote' me apply kar Viza ke liye..

Sir they have reduced our "quota" also, saying we have enough motels and gas stations in US now.....

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Bombay - Maharaj Bhagre and his assistant Girpade in Office after a day`s work.

Sir Aaamir Khan`s Taare Zameen Par is selected as India`s entry for Oscars.

What the f***..? 'Hindi' movie at Oscars ?

Sir...sir..you are speaking in English.

O ya...Girpade, how do you say 'What the f***' in Marathi?

Don`r know sir, anyways wife is on the other line.

Ok...call Markar, Todkar, Chillakar, Phodkar, Dhabolkar, MarondKar and we will put an agitation in front of Aamir`s office.

For what sir? What is the objective?

To change the painting competition in movie to Marathi.

Sir...sir(hesitating)...how can they paint in Marathi sir.... ?

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So will Tare be able to make it to final five. I doubt. Its definitely a masterpiece. But the whole hardwork was undone in the last 5 minutes, where the movie propagated the very principle it was criticizing, and showed Darsheel getting whole hearted acceptance only after scroing 'high marks'. Also I have often felt academy being averse to happy endings. But they have been welcoming movies with protagonists having physical/mental disabilities (RainMan, Forrest Gump), so lets hope for the best. And if it does, it will be Aamir Khan Productions double whammy after Lagaan (for final five nominations). And being a die hard Aamir fan, I would definitely follow this closely.

Also if anybody can bring Oscar to India, it has to be Aamir Khan. Or shall I say Aamir Can ?

PS: I came across this funny spoof on Taare at IIFA awards. For those who havent watched it, have fun.

Cheeni Kum Hai !

I invariably don't take lunch to office. Its either the cafeteria, or few of my favorite restaurants nearby, well almost . As my office is located in a quiet valley far from civilization, typical of any Research center, for the nearest restaurant you need to drive at least 4-5 miles.

Anyways today was one of the rare days I had some delicious Hyderabadi Biryani from yesterday, so decided to take it to office. Lunch time , went to the common room to get it heated in Microwave. And alas, a long queue of my Chinese coworkers was there. I can imagine there names being like - "Sum Ting Wong , Kum Hia Nao , Dum Gai, Kent Go". To keep me engaged , while we were standing in queue, my colleague gave me an English translation of their popular names -

Sum Ting Wong - That's not right
Kum Hia Nao - Come here ASAP
Dum Gai - Stupid guy
Kent Go - Cant Walk

Amused, I noticed that something was not right today though. They were all huddled together and discussing something, as if Corolla has just released a new model, or hakka noodles have become shorter. All I could hear is - chee chaa chaaaaa...chinglish (chinese english). Anyways my enterprising colleague told me they are discussing the AIG fiasco and in general Chinese form a huge customer base. That explains, else I would have held Toyota responsible! Notice the irony of AIG in the pic below though. Click to enlarge.


Nevertheless, our queue ended, and we reached the Microwave. And as soon as I opened it, it felt I have reached an open air Chinese restaurant. What an 'enticing' smell. Now don't get me wrong, though I am a fan of Chinese food, I didn't want my authentic "Hyderabadi Biryani" to smell like "Chinese Fried Rice" by the time it came out of the oven, so decided against microwaving it.

Over the lunch, my colleague shared an interesting anecdote. Some guy made a call to his insurance agent, and a Chinese operator picked up. Difficult to understand what she was speaking, he asked her name.

I am 'Saw Lee'.
Why are you 'Sorry' ? I just asked your name..what is it?
Ya I am 'Saw Lee'.
Hmmm...is 'Anyone' else there ?
'Annie Wan' is on holiday.
God please give phone to 'Someone'
'Sam Wan' is on call.

Lunch over, was walking towards my office from the plaza, and suddenly realized we are outnumbered. Everywhere I can see Chinese colleagues only, and though Taiwaneese, Japanese all seem similar to me, still I could say Tabu and Big B were not right when they patronized that song - 'Cheeni Kum hai'!

Mumbai ka King kaun ?

Tring tring....I am deep in sleep. Who is calling at this time ? 4o clock in morning ...damn. Whosoever is it, I am not getting up. Tried reaching for phone from my bed, and spilled the water glass over my new iPhone. I am already miffed with $150 first month bill from ATnT, and whosoever is calling, will have to pay for if the phone is gone...well no damage it seems. The number is from India. Picked up the phone, and its an old friend from Pune.

'Sup dude...do you know some consultant there for US Visa ?'

'Abe you dont have any other decent time to call for such an 'important' information? Google it... abhi letme sleep...why all of a sudden ?'

'Yaar things don't seem to be fine here...some other day there were pamphlets in our locality saying that change the name on your nameplates to Marathi..If we have to live like immigrants in our own country, why not live abroad ?

Call over, slept and then left for office in morning. Day passed on smoothly, and back home tuned in to CNN IBN for news. They are showing these clippings of Drona music launch repeatedly, and then Jaya Bachchan`s controversial remarks.



Suddenly after these flash of clippings , some loud background music is played to create tension, a reporter with a grim, stern face and a beard (as if someone has just died in his family) starts highlighting this 'national crisis', and then the images are superimposed with Raj Thackeray`s response to the speech, where he mentions he wont allow any movie from Bacchan family to release in Maharashtra. Amitabh`s apology is shown, and 'Jaya ko lagi Amitabh ki fatkar...' comes the headlines, and in the end comes the poll...'Kya Amitabh ne Jaya ko fatkar lage ke sahi kiya...? Hame SMS kijiye'.......Sad state of national media !

Coming back to the controversy, I don't see any reason why Jaya Bachchan or Big B should apologize. Hindi is our national language, and agree or not, more known and widely spoken. Second thing, speaking in Hindi in Maharashtra is not akin to disrespecting Marathi. Thirdly, Maharashtra is not owned by Raj Thackeray and family, and nowhere the constitution of India or law of the State mentions that people living in Maharashtra will have to speak in Marathi. Indians don't need a Visa to enter Maharashtra, and certainly Mr Raj Thackeray and family are not providing these Visas.

Thinking about Mr. Raj Thackeray, I wonder how his mind works? Is it just the political ambition of a failed politician, or does he really believe he is doing it for the benefit of Maharashtrians ? If latter is the case, it is really worrying. For people often if guided by fanatical obsessions for some group, be it their friends, family, state or religion, go to the extremes of hurting others by threats, violence, force and abuse, they end up bringing shame to the whole community itself, leave alone themselves. And since they believe they are doing it for the good of their community, they don't see any harm in their actions. I am concerned about the political implications in the context of the regional chauvinism that Thackeray is trying to whip up against the non-Marathi speaking population.

What happened to Saddam Hussein and his ambitions ? Whole Islam is bearing the negative connotations of what a handful of Islamic extremists propagated . Musharraf, Osama, all dictators who used threat, fear and violence to rule over others, are now living a shameful life hiding. If their objective was the benefit of Islam, it has backfired in the exact opposite way. Ironically I am writing this on 9/11, a day that reminds me of one of the worst manifestations of terrorism, which shook the whole of United States.

Mr. Thackeray please realize that you are nothing, and if you think you can dominate over others using your threats and force, forget it. If you need to feel important and noticed, grow a beard and go anchor one of these news shows on Indian television, and choose your background music.

PS: Read Big B`s Blog on the controversy, and the video below for his response

Chrome anti Chrome !

Did you know that when you download Google's new Chrome browser, you agree that any "content" you "submit, post or display" using the service — whether you own its copyright or not — gives Google a "license to reproduce, translate, publish, publicly display and distribute" it ? Google's ambitions for Chrome are even larger than we thought; by the letter of this license, Google will own all information that flows through its browser. --- Valleywag

Is this the reason behind Chrome? Google is all about data, and what better way to capture it all than launch your own browser? While testers are having a field day comparing IE vs Firefox vs Safari vs Chrome, what is puzzling to me is why Google launched a browser when the market is already inundated with them ?

Imagine everything you are doing in browser getting logged into some database on Google. So suppose if Mrs Daruwala (or shall I say DaruWali ? ) searched for -- 'My husband doesn't help in household chores...What to do? ' -----And a week later when she launches the browser it will flash this --

"Did your husband , Mr. Bekar Daruwala, start helping you ? If not then:

1) Try calling and complaining to his dad , Mr. SodaWaterWala in India (ad for Reliance India call site)
2) Are you contemplating divorce? (ad for Divorce attorney in US, RumBatliWala and Sons)
3) Try new potential helping and kind partners (ad for Parsi dating site, DikraWala.com)
4) Contemplating Suicide ? (shows you a map of best suicide points near Parsi Gymkhana in Bay Area) "

But seriously, if capturing each and every details about our browsing habits is Google`s intent, I can see an internet world totally devoid of privacy, which is a really scary thought. And if this is their hidden motive , I am totally anti Chrome.

Et tu Google ?

PS: One of my friends sent this comic about how Gates is reacting to Chrome in his retirement mansion ! Have fun :)