Tuesday, November 4, 2008

November 4th -2008


More than five years in America...and I never felt proud to be here. It was always at the back of my mind, that I have left my home country and family back to be lured by the glamor, life of America. And that guilt always surfaced at times, times when you see those patriotic movies, times when you hear about your countrymen dying of blasts, and you feel like a coward having migrated here.

But tonight for the first time in more than five years, I feel to be proud in America. And not because it still is the best country on earth, and not because it still remains the superpower whose fortune affects countries worldwide...no. Its because it proved today what I always felt was the best part of this country, its conscientious.

Conscientious...a heavy word. Yes, we know that life is about happiness, success, wealth, being famous etc ... but nobody talks about this word. It means someone who operates from their conscience, and will strive to be just. People who are aware of their responsibilities.

I have often told my near and dear ones, that for a person like me to survive in India would have been very difficult. Not that things aren't great back home, but Indians on a collective level are not conscientious. We will take bribe, we will lie, cheat, manipulate....do anything in our capacity to succeed. Have you ever seen the top bosses in any Indian sector. Favoritism is the major major factor for success in India, and hard work and intelligence is secondary. A country more racist than anywhere else. A south Indian will be discriminated in Delhi, Biharis will be beaten up in Maharashtra. We will mix water in milk, we will sell fake Chinese electronics with branded names. Some army people can come and take away your reserved seats in train compartment. Indians are definitely more compassionate, hardworking and intelligent, and have strong culture, but they aren't conscientious. We don't do WHAT IS RIGHT. I know a lot of friends will term me non patriotic for sprouting this, but they know in their heart this is the truth. And believe me, I am very very ill equipped to handle that kind of situation.

And that's where America scores. Trust is the foundation of this country. In all possibility, people would not lie to you. Mostly, you can leave your apartment unlocked for the day, and once you purchase a item, be assured that it wont be fake. Once you buy a property, you don't need to worry that someone will make fake papers and snatch it from you. If you are hardworking and intelligent, in all probability you will get your due, and no, you never dare to bribe a policeman here once you are caught speeding. And chances are almost nill that your uncle`s friend will be able to get you a job in a company if you don't have the merits at all. And I respect this country for this sense of being right.

And today this fact was cemented. Obama became the first African American president in the history of United States. For the last few months I have been following elections closely over the net, and I went through a lot of articles where Obama`s color,his origin and Muslim middle name was being criticized vehemently by Whites. But when it came to the collective conscience of America, they did what was right for America..Obama it is. History was made when America rose above all petty issues about color, ethnicity etc and voted for someone they truly believed was right for USA.

And even if Obama is not able to fulfill some of the promises he has made, this election itself would bring back a lot of credibility back for America in the eyes of the world. Its time for change. And it has begun. Lets be part of new America, and in consequence, new world. And remember this date, for it will always be a part of the general knowledge quiz for the coming generations!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Halloween Scare !

PS: Again reiterating, these blogs should be taken with the spirit of fun. The intent is not to be against any community or ethnicity.

Its all over ! So much so that people are planning to dress as 'Economy' this halloween ! You can see the scare. 3 PM - our coffee time in IBM cafteria, when few of my colleagues take a 15 minute break for some chitchat and Mocha, and that number is dwindling fast. I inquired whats the reason, and two things - Job scare, and save some money by making ur own coffee!!!

Ebay fires 15% of workforce, Yahoo plans a massive layoff, Financial sector laying off in 1000`s - Its all accross the board. America's mortgage crisis has spiralled into "the largest financial shock since the Great Depression" and there is now a one-in-four chance of a full-blown global recession over the next 12 months, the International Monetary Fund warned today.

And few people are taking advantage of this situation, like this boss in a Chennai Software startup who is big Rajnikanth fan, and often ridiculed by his employees. And now is his time to get back ! So he calls all this employees one by one, and employees obviously scared by current economic situation, are jittery to say the least.

Boss - So yes Mr. Rangamannar Rangarajan, I heard you needed a leave because you need to get your house coloured(painted) before Diwali...You already have so much color in your name...

Emp - No saaar...mot anymore..abhi sambhar-rice-cocunut chutney ke liye fight hai...who has money...Sorry saar..

Boss - Okie...answer one thing...who can bring Yahoo shares above $30 again ?

Emp - Bill Gates or Microsoft saar.

Boss - Wrong....one and only apna Thambi.... Rajnikaaanth

Emp - Oh yaaa...sorry saaar.

Boss - Bad...you can go now. Send Mr. Thippeswamy Babykutty in

Mr Babykutty comes in

Boss - So yes Mr Babykutty, heard you needed some advance and vacation for getting your 'baby dog' admitted to Anna University

Emp - Sorry saaar...my whole family has studied in Anna University ..Appa, Ammma, Thangamma..so I was thinking about it. But abhi 'idli-curd' is costing sooo much saaaar... So I dont want chutti for my 'kutty'.

Boss - Hmmm...answer this...who can delete Recycle Bin itself ?

Emp - Rajnikanth saaar...

Boss - Good...your leave is granted....send Mr. Vasudevan Apppakuddi in....

Mr Appakuddi comes in

Boss - So Mr. 'Appakuddi'...you need a leave because ur appa made a kudi..I mean jumped from 3rd floor....

Emp - Ya saar....there was a strong wind and his 'lungi' flew...and sensing the economy crisis he knew he cudnt afford more...so jumped from the building trying to rescue it...

Boss - Hmmm....ok answer this....what is the end digit of 22/7..?

Emp - Rajnikanth saaar...He is the end of everything..

Boss - Wow....go rescue ur dad...or his lungi..or whatever.

And it goes on ! But seriously, this crisis is moving into a dangerous direction, and if the all the warnings and scares are any indication, its time to buckle up and prepare for the crash ! I guess nothing will be able to scare Americans more this Halloween ! Though latest development is that Bush, Obama and Mccain have pressed for Rajnikanth`s services to handle this global crisis, so it might be over in just a few minutes !

PS: I came across some of the posters of movies if they had been made in Chennai :-)


Thursday, October 9, 2008

Dusshera Dhamaka !


Few busy weeks, and no time for blog. Navratri celebrations are on full swing in Bay Area and to all my friends, here is wishing a Happy Dusshera ! Probably this is the time of the year I tend to miss India most. Nine full days of masti. Those decorated streets, shining and bright with lights all over, roaming aimlessly till late in the night with friends across the city, visiting Durga pandals all over, trying every exciting food shop which had sprouted, visiting on Dusshera to village for annual puja and collecting money from all the elders, and then going to see that fair in evening...gosh !

Though I wonder with so many things going around the world , how are people celebrating it....and just imagined this conversation among a Bengali NRI family, Mr and Mrs Banerjee, and their ABCD son. Mr. Banerjee works for Yahoo and is settled in Funnyvale, Gay Area.

Mrs - Aejee

Mr - Oye I am Banerjee, dont call Aeejee..

Mrs - Ok...Ami Drona dekhbo

Mr - No Drona rona....else Ill fall slip(sleep) in theatre and ull be reminding me "So-naa"...its tht boring. Lets go to Funnyvale temple for Navratri celebrations. And bhe(we) will hear bhojan also

Son - Dad you can eat bhojan, how can you hear it ?

Mr - Duffer I mean devotional songs....and free bhojan(now food) also...they give good bhejetable

Mrs - Aejee...lets go for movie na....my fabourite bong Joya Bhaduri(Jaya Bachchan) is there

Mr - No no...dont bhaste(waste) money on movie...also I hab(have) to send money to ur stupid brother who lost his job in Kolkata coz Nano said Toto(bye-bye) to ur another fabourite Momta Bonerjee and left for Gujrat..also I need money to buy Bolbo

Son - Dad...its Tata...and do you mean Volvo ?

Mr - Duffer....again you opened ur mouth...After baking up from ur slip(sleep), first learn to remove ur bed-shit(sheet).

Mrs - You are such a konjoos

Mr - Dont tell....my bonk went bonkrupt....WAMU..WHOOOOO....and dada Saurav also retired from cricket. Dont know bho(who) will I watch in cricket now once I lose my job in such a bhague(vague) economic condition....anyways they are luking at me like a terrorist in Yahoo once the news leaked tht recent bhomb blasts in India were planned by Indian Yahoo techie..

Mrs - Are Obomo is coming as president na...economy sudhor jaayega..ull bhot(vote) for him na

Mr - Nah ...Ill bhot for Sorah Polin..ooops Mccain

Mrs - Albhes(Always) bhatch (watch) Sorah Polin....tumi kobhi nahi sudhroge...beta lets go for bhojan...Ill call Mrs Choterjee and Mukherjee also

Son - Mom..last time..Bhajan or Bhojan....?

PS: Lots happening all around the world and for those who missed the Presidential Debates, dont worry here is a series of videos on Mccain you wont want to miss.











And for those who missed Drona, not to worry. Its right here for you





Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Aamir Can !


PS:These blogs are for fun, and should be taken in the right spirit. No offense to any community or ethnicity intended.

Ahmedabad - Gujjendra Krodhi and his assistant Jignesh in Office after a day`s work.

Jignesss...phen (fan) chalao, egg-joss(exhaust) ho gaya. Aur ek peeja (pizza) order kar do.

Yes Sir....Sir , Aamir Khan`s Taare Zameen Par is India`s official entry for Oscars

Kaunsa phillam (film)? ..... Agar Narmada ka pani piya hai to...... bhen (ban) kardo Oscar ko ......jaise 'Fanaa' ko kiya tha......Amrika jaate hain .

Sir....sir...Narmada kaun?...Anyways they always reject your Visa. We have tried many times.

O haan...haan...accha tum log jaa ke aao....jung(young) ho...Kalpess aur Diness ko bhi le ke jaa....'Gujju Kote' me apply kar Viza ke liye..

Sir they have reduced our "quota" also, saying we have enough motels and gas stations in US now.....

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Bombay - Maharaj Bhagre and his assistant Girpade in Office after a day`s work.

Sir Aaamir Khan`s Taare Zameen Par is selected as India`s entry for Oscars.

What the f***..? 'Hindi' movie at Oscars ?

Sir...sir..you are speaking in English.

O ya...Girpade, how do you say 'What the f***' in Marathi?

Don`r know sir, anyways wife is on the other line.

Ok...call Markar, Todkar, Chillakar, Phodkar, Dhabolkar, MarondKar and we will put an agitation in front of Aamir`s office.

For what sir? What is the objective?

To change the painting competition in movie to Marathi.

Sir...sir(hesitating)...how can they paint in Marathi sir.... ?

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So will Tare be able to make it to final five. I doubt. Its definitely a masterpiece. But the whole hardwork was undone in the last 5 minutes, where the movie propagated the very principle it was criticizing, and showed Darsheel getting whole hearted acceptance only after scroing 'high marks'. Also I have often felt academy being averse to happy endings. But they have been welcoming movies with protagonists having physical/mental disabilities (RainMan, Forrest Gump), so lets hope for the best. And if it does, it will be Aamir Khan Productions double whammy after Lagaan (for final five nominations). And being a die hard Aamir fan, I would definitely follow this closely.

Also if anybody can bring Oscar to India, it has to be Aamir Khan. Or shall I say Aamir Can ?

PS: I came across this funny spoof on Taare at IIFA awards. For those who havent watched it, have fun.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Cheeni Kum Hai !

I invariably don't take lunch to office. Its either the cafeteria, or few of my favorite restaurants nearby, well almost . As my office is located in a quiet valley far from civilization, typical of any Research center, for the nearest restaurant you need to drive at least 4-5 miles.

Anyways today was one of the rare days I had some delicious Hyderabadi Biryani from yesterday, so decided to take it to office. Lunch time , went to the common room to get it heated in Microwave. And alas, a long queue of my Chinese coworkers was there. I can imagine there names being like - "Sum Ting Wong , Kum Hia Nao , Dum Gai, Kent Go". To keep me engaged , while we were standing in queue, my colleague gave me an English translation of their popular names -

Sum Ting Wong - That's not right
Kum Hia Nao - Come here ASAP
Dum Gai - Stupid guy
Kent Go - Cant Walk

Amused, I noticed that something was not right today though. They were all huddled together and discussing something, as if Corolla has just released a new model, or hakka noodles have become shorter. All I could hear is - chee chaa chaaaaa...chinglish (chinese english). Anyways my enterprising colleague told me they are discussing the AIG fiasco and in general Chinese form a huge customer base. That explains, else I would have held Toyota responsible! Notice the irony of AIG in the pic below though. Click to enlarge.


Nevertheless, our queue ended, and we reached the Microwave. And as soon as I opened it, it felt I have reached an open air Chinese restaurant. What an 'enticing' smell. Now don't get me wrong, though I am a fan of Chinese food, I didn't want my authentic "Hyderabadi Biryani" to smell like "Chinese Fried Rice" by the time it came out of the oven, so decided against microwaving it.

Over the lunch, my colleague shared an interesting anecdote. Some guy made a call to his insurance agent, and a Chinese operator picked up. Difficult to understand what she was speaking, he asked her name.

I am 'Saw Lee'.
Why are you 'Sorry' ? I just asked your name..what is it?
Ya I am 'Saw Lee'.
Hmmm...is 'Anyone' else there ?
'Annie Wan' is on holiday.
God please give phone to 'Someone'
'Sam Wan' is on call.

Lunch over, was walking towards my office from the plaza, and suddenly realized we are outnumbered. Everywhere I can see Chinese colleagues only, and though Taiwaneese, Japanese all seem similar to me, still I could say Tabu and Big B were not right when they patronized that song - 'Cheeni Kum hai'!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Mumbai ka King kaun ?

Tring tring....I am deep in sleep. Who is calling at this time ? 4o clock in morning ...damn. Whosoever is it, I am not getting up. Tried reaching for phone from my bed, and spilled the water glass over my new iPhone. I am already miffed with $150 first month bill from ATnT, and whosoever is calling, will have to pay for if the phone is gone...well no damage it seems. The number is from India. Picked up the phone, and its an old friend from Pune.

'Sup dude...do you know some consultant there for US Visa ?'

'Abe you dont have any other decent time to call for such an 'important' information? Google it... abhi letme sleep...why all of a sudden ?'

'Yaar things don't seem to be fine here...some other day there were pamphlets in our locality saying that change the name on your nameplates to Marathi..If we have to live like immigrants in our own country, why not live abroad ?

Call over, slept and then left for office in morning. Day passed on smoothly, and back home tuned in to CNN IBN for news. They are showing these clippings of Drona music launch repeatedly, and then Jaya Bachchan`s controversial remarks.



Suddenly after these flash of clippings , some loud background music is played to create tension, a reporter with a grim, stern face and a beard (as if someone has just died in his family) starts highlighting this 'national crisis', and then the images are superimposed with Raj Thackeray`s response to the speech, where he mentions he wont allow any movie from Bacchan family to release in Maharashtra. Amitabh`s apology is shown, and 'Jaya ko lagi Amitabh ki fatkar...' comes the headlines, and in the end comes the poll...'Kya Amitabh ne Jaya ko fatkar lage ke sahi kiya...? Hame SMS kijiye'.......Sad state of national media !

Coming back to the controversy, I don't see any reason why Jaya Bachchan or Big B should apologize. Hindi is our national language, and agree or not, more known and widely spoken. Second thing, speaking in Hindi in Maharashtra is not akin to disrespecting Marathi. Thirdly, Maharashtra is not owned by Raj Thackeray and family, and nowhere the constitution of India or law of the State mentions that people living in Maharashtra will have to speak in Marathi. Indians don't need a Visa to enter Maharashtra, and certainly Mr Raj Thackeray and family are not providing these Visas.

Thinking about Mr. Raj Thackeray, I wonder how his mind works? Is it just the political ambition of a failed politician, or does he really believe he is doing it for the benefit of Maharashtrians ? If latter is the case, it is really worrying. For people often if guided by fanatical obsessions for some group, be it their friends, family, state or religion, go to the extremes of hurting others by threats, violence, force and abuse, they end up bringing shame to the whole community itself, leave alone themselves. And since they believe they are doing it for the good of their community, they don't see any harm in their actions. I am concerned about the political implications in the context of the regional chauvinism that Thackeray is trying to whip up against the non-Marathi speaking population.

What happened to Saddam Hussein and his ambitions ? Whole Islam is bearing the negative connotations of what a handful of Islamic extremists propagated . Musharraf, Osama, all dictators who used threat, fear and violence to rule over others, are now living a shameful life hiding. If their objective was the benefit of Islam, it has backfired in the exact opposite way. Ironically I am writing this on 9/11, a day that reminds me of one of the worst manifestations of terrorism, which shook the whole of United States.

Mr. Thackeray please realize that you are nothing, and if you think you can dominate over others using your threats and force, forget it. If you need to feel important and noticed, grow a beard and go anchor one of these news shows on Indian television, and choose your background music.

PS: Read Big B`s Blog on the controversy, and the video below for his response

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Chrome anti Chrome !


Did you know that when you download Google's new Chrome browser, you agree that any "content" you "submit, post or display" using the service — whether you own its copyright or not — gives Google a "license to reproduce, translate, publish, publicly display and distribute" it ? Google's ambitions for Chrome are even larger than we thought; by the letter of this license, Google will own all information that flows through its browser. --- Valleywag

Is this the reason behind Chrome? Google is all about data, and what better way to capture it all than launch your own browser? While testers are having a field day comparing IE vs Firefox vs Safari vs Chrome, what is puzzling to me is why Google launched a browser when the market is already inundated with them ?

Imagine everything you are doing in browser getting logged into some database on Google. So suppose if Mrs Daruwala (or shall I say DaruWali ? ) searched for -- 'My husband doesn't help in household chores...What to do? ' -----And a week later when she launches the browser it will flash this --

"Did your husband , Mr. Bekar Daruwala, start helping you ? If not then:

1) Try calling and complaining to his dad , Mr. SodaWaterWala in India (ad for Reliance India call site)
2) Are you contemplating divorce? (ad for Divorce attorney in US, RumBatliWala and Sons)
3) Try new potential helping and kind partners (ad for Parsi dating site, DikraWala.com)
4) Contemplating Suicide ? (shows you a map of best suicide points near Parsi Gymkhana in Bay Area) "

But seriously, if capturing each and every details about our browsing habits is Google`s intent, I can see an internet world totally devoid of privacy, which is a really scary thought. And if this is their hidden motive , I am totally anti Chrome.

Et tu Google ?

PS: One of my friends sent this comic about how Gates is reacting to Chrome in his retirement mansion ! Have fun :)